The Great Cheeseball War
by FrankandJoe3
Summary: The greatest of all wars wasn't fought with fists. It was fought with giggles, smiles and cheeseballs.


**As we sat there in front of the school, me on the ground and her up on the bench, I failed to notice Jacob sitting there off in the corner. All I saw was her, her golden hair shining in the sun and her eyes gleaming in the beautiful way they do, our voice harmonizing to the lyrics of Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade. To my dearest Sam, tonight truly will be the night that I fall for you all over again, so don't make me change my mind because I won't live to see another day (I swear it's true!) because a girl like you is impossible to find… you're impossible to find… **

"**Wise men wonder while strong men die." **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, 'cept for this huge ass box of cheeseballs and the plastic spoons beside me that inspired this. **

Dick and Wally both glared hard at each other, dark shades on eyes of pure emerald, their gazes fighting for dominance. Their noses stood barely an inch apart, Wally's sharp nose just a tad bit higher than Dick's more rounded one. Their lips were drawn into straight lines, pressed tightly together in an effort to seem more intimidating to the other. Their hands were down at their sides, pale and nimble fingers curled up into excited fists that trembled ever so slightly. The blushes under their eyes were only from the heat of the other's breath on their face, but they were so light in tone that no one was to notice.

The living room was ready for the war that was about to break out. The couch had been pushed back to the island in the kitchen, a huge mat had been set in front of the TV to keep it from being broken, the coffee table was pushed off to the other wall and a huge green tarp made for covering pools during the winter was under the feet, ready to catch anything that dropped down during the war, whether it be a body or blood.

Artemis stood beside the two of them, a smirk on her lips and a hand on her hips. Her hair was swept back into a high ponytail as it usually was. The only thing different was the gym class whistle that loosely poked between her lips. She reached up and popped it out for a moment, taking a step back to better view the two opponents.

"Let's lay down a few ground rules first so this fight is _fair_," she began, dropping the red noise maker so it could hang on its chain around her neck.

The boys growled at the mention of fair, but neither looked her way. Their eyes were glued on each other's in a pre-battle warm-up and it wasn't time to sissy out and look her way. Artemis rolled her eyes playfully, shifting her weight to her other foot.

"This is a strict _no-powers _battle. That means no super speed and no utility belt. This is also a _no-protection _battle, meaning no eye coverage, no costume and no jackets. Just your t-shirt, jeans and shoes," she continued on, her arms crossing over her chest in amusement.

The pre-battle warm-up was interrupted as both pairs of eyes snapped at her, anger and confusion riddled deep into the only set of eyes that were actually visible.

"Why no jacket?" Wally raised an eyebrow, loosening one fist to tug at the edge of the blue short-sleeved jacket that covered his long-sleeved white shirt.

"Why no 'eye coverage'?" Dick demanded to know, unconsciously pushing his shades up on his nose.

Emerald and black glass met again, despite how it was nothing longer than a glance exchanged. Artemis chose not to reply though, slipping the red whistle back between her lips and blowing sharply. Both ebony and ginger let out a cry, wincing and covering their ears at the trill that had their delicate heads aching madly.

"Alright! Geez," Wally grumbled, rubbing his ears sorely.

He carefully slipped his arms out of the blue jacket, lazing chucking it across the room. Dick echoed him, his black jacket quickly draping itself over the back of the couch. A utility belt, carefully folded in its cute little yellow rectangle, quickly settled between the couch cushions. Red goggles and a pair of black sunglasses joined it in a moment before both boys were declared ready to battle.

"You're going down West," a newly pair of exposed blue eyes challenged, sparkling excitedly.

Wally turned so they were nose-to-nose again, his eyes narrowed tight as they drilled deep into his friend's.

"Kicking your ass Grayson," he breathed, a grin spreading over his lips.

They held the glare a second longer before they stepped back to fight the war, grins spread over both of their lips now.

"Take your stance," Artemis started to back up slowly, the whistle still poked between her lips.

Both boys slid a foot back across the tarp, bringing their fists up in a classic fighting pose. Their eyes gleamed with the magnificent add of mischievousness, their eyebrows calm instead of the usual furrowing that occurs before a fight. Wally swept the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip, an unconscious act that seemed to make the sparkle in Dick's eyes grow.

"Take your weapons," Artemis commanded, now seated on the couch beside the utility belt, sunglasses and goggles.

She curiously picked up the black sunglasses, slipping them over her eyes and smiling at the strange feel. Dick _had _to be blind because she couldn't see through the impenetrable glass. The boy whose shades she had kidnapped and his best friend both leaned down and picked up these huge transparent drums, filled to the top with orangish yellow balls. Their pale hands rushed to undo the tops, abandoning the purple lids on their edge of the tarp before eager fingers dipped down into the cheeseballs, ready to start the war. Both had to swallow their giggles to seem as serious as this was to them.

"And… let the war began!" Artemis screamed, blowing as hard as she could on the cold whistle, letting its sharp cry blast her eardrums.

A girlish giggle and a more immature one blasted the air before a barrage of cheeseballs began to fly through the air.

XxXxX

Batman's eyes were narrowed tightly even before he stepped into the living room of the cave. When you have to be called at work, during an important meeting to make it even better, to be told your boy was in a fight involving cheeseballs and that you were needed to end it… that's not the kind of call you want to have to stop an important trade deal for. He wasn't mad at the ebony; no, he never could show any form of hatred towards his ward, but he wasn't exactly going to greet the 13 year old with a hug and coffee.

The second his boot touched to the wood by the portal, he was stopped in his tracks. He hadn't expected to see what he did. He figured he'd see cheeseballs, but this was simply ridiculous. Everything from the battlefield, the 10 discarded empty drums of cheeseballs, the judge, the scoreboard and the opponents who were still grinning at each other while using their current drum as a shield to the endless supply of crushed cheese crumbs that were scattered under the black and red Converse shoes that were both now some degree of orange.

When the Cave announced his entrance, both Wally and Dick froze up in pure fear. Curses were breathed silently and the half-full ammunition drums hit the ground fast.

"Why'd I let you talk me into this?" Dick cried, quickly dashing behind the ginger and hugging his cheese stained shirt sleeve.

Wally looked down at the boy on his arm with the cheese stained face, managing to offer him a small smile. He reassuringly patted the messy hair before terrifyingly turned his attention back to the Dark Knight who ever so slowly started to creep forward towards them.

"B-Batman… we w-were… um…" Dick tried to think of an excuse that wouldn't result in the death of his best friend.

Batman's gaze locked on his shadesless protégé.

"I saw what you were doing," he cut off the thought that wasn't going anywhere.

Dick tightened his hug to a death grip, cutting off circulation to Wally's arm. The ginger noticed and frowned in sympathy, his eyebrows furrowed and a light pink dusted amongst his freckles. He reached his other arm across his chest, setting a hand lightly to his terrified friend's elbow in a weak hug.

"Don't worry bro," he whispered. "If we die tonight, at least we die bros."

That only made his arm go numb as circulation was completely cut off. He didn't necessarily mind though. It was his bad arm anyway, the one he'd already broken. If any arm had to be lost as his best friend's teddy bear, he'd rather it be this one. Batman crunched through the cheeseballs, eternally grimacing at even the thought of having to clean his boots later that night. He held up his Batman face though until he was barely three feet from the boys where he could better glare at the ebony he was ever so disappointed in.

"Robin. You know better!" he scolded, making Dick feel like a child again, "Explain yourself."

Shameful eyes chose to stare hard at the fibers that made up Wally's shirt, finding that much more interesting than the scolding. He knew he couldn't stay silent forever though.

"B… before you kill KF-," he started in an embarrassed monotone, his teeth playing at his lower lip.

"Hey!" Wally's eyebrows fell and he angrily looked down at the shorty on his arm.

Dick ignored the offended cry and continued.

"-just let me make one thing clear. This isn't our fault," the ebony finished, tossing the thought out that caught everyone's attention.

All eyebrows besides his own shot up in surprise.

"It's not?" Batman and Wally asked in unison, exchanging glances at the clashing tones.

Dick shook his head, smiling secretly. His eyes darted out across the room, the gears in his head turning faster than ever before. By now, the rest of the team, excluding Roy like always but always leaving a spot open for him, was gathered in the living room. It was time to point his regularly gloved finger at someone other than himself for a change.

"No," he said confidently, giving Wally a reassuring wink, "It's Kaldur's fault."

There was a strong silence, one so choked up with confusion and a sense of miscommunication that no one could take in a breath long enough to voice the thoughts that dulled their remembrance of the simple breathing function. The first to manage to push back the strong feelings to speak was Kaldur himself. Apparently Atlantean magic wasn't the only thing he had been taught down in Atlantis.

"What?" he forced his voice strong, an eyebrow raised curiously. "How is this my fault?"

All eyes darted back to the little Robin who was practically perched atop the speedster's elbow by now. He seemed to gain courage as the attention grew, causing him to drop his arms face to his side and grin innocently. Much to Wally's delight, he still stayed as close as he was though, keeping the ginger warm with the sunshine that radiated from his veins.

"You see…" he began, cocking his head to the side, the little scientists in his head working faster than the scientists that the disease ridden and hopeless hospital patients had to rely on in a hope to survive to see tomorrow's sunlight shining through the window in their hospital room. "Wally and I, we're nothing but children! How could we know any better?"

Dick took a courageous step away from Wally, stepping in front. This way, if any bitch-slaps were aimed, his best buddy would still stand strong and continue breathing and blinking in the strange ways that made him lovable- by those who could tolerate his strangeness anyway.

"_Kaldur _is our _leader_, our _adult_, our _supervisor_, and he did _nothing _to stop us! I say, my dearest père** [1]**," he gestured to Batman lovingly, putting heavy emphasis on the stuff he wanted the man who stood beside him in the family portrait to pay attention to, "that he is the one who should take the major portion of the blame."

Wally grinned widely up at the fast talking ebony, folding his arms over his chest, clearly impressed. Batman had a neutral face, but his lips were haunted by another emotion that was pretty rare for someone of his nature. Kaldur on the other hand had his eyes narrowed, his lips a straight line as they were pressed tight against each other. Lucky for him, he wasn't the only one in the room completely insane.

"You two? Kids?" Conner mocked, seizing up the ebony and his ginger companion with a clearly unimpressed expression. "Yeah, of course, because _kids _can _totally _drive motorcycles."

The sarcasm in his voice ran rapid like the wildest waterfall, showering those who weren't anywhere near to the drop zone in its unwanted sprays. From Dick's reaction, he must've been wearing his finest white suit and that spray must've been dark pink. A flicker of his inner Batman darted across his face, the dark blue in his eyes even seeming to go black for a second for a dramaticised effect. **[2]**

"… The Robincycle is _NOT _a motorcycle," Dick defensively growled, practically trembling with anger in his shoes. "It is a complex two wheeled machine, similar in design to the common four wheeler and three wheeler, only limited to two wheels like a bicycle with the rare exception of when it's down to one while the other half functions as a proper weapon system. The only similarity it shares to a motorcycle is its accelerator and braking system. Even the engine has a different build up; one that I made by _hand! _It is perfectly acceptable for kids to ride bikes and four wheelers, especially when under supervision."

Conner smirked to himself, his arms crossing over his chest and an eyebrow raising playfully.

"Feisty," he scrunched up his nose, saying it in a way that unconsciously made Dick back up into Wally before the playful expression turned angry, "If your 'Robincycle' isn't a motorcycle, I'm KF over there."

Dick's eyes flamed up furiously, silently screaming, 'Only I can call him that!' Wally's eyes matched, with the exception of a green tint, setting a hand to his blue eyed babe's shoulder and pulling him back behind him. His eyes seeked nothing short of murder but his fists screamed for nothing worse than a bruise-filled fight in a back alley with no supervision until one was knocked into blissful unconscious.

"What's _that _supposed to mean?" Wally demanded to know through his gritted teeth, lifting his fist from Dick's shoulder to keep from breaking the fragile skin.

Dick frowned. He got that Wally was offended, but he had a much better idea than the one that was about to unfold. He loved his big bro and he wasn't losing him to a fight that had no chance from the beginning. He quickly grabbed the nearest wrist, unrolling the fingers from their death grip in a way an adult may do to make a baby drop something that they needed at the moment. Wally sighed, shaking the pale hands off and shaking the tenseness off before looking down at his little ebony. They shared a glance, the same thought going through their head with the largest of grins springing to their face. In a second, they both had their cheeseball barrels in hand, chucking a heavy barrage of the powdery chip wannabes at the angsty teen.

"_ATTACK!_" they screamed a second too late.

Conner nearly jumped out of his skin, letting out a surprise gasp as the first rain of cheese exploded against his chest. He brought his arms up to hide his face and some of his upper chest, bringing a knee up to protect his junk and his remaining unprotected chest. When Kaldur saw, he quickly jumped onto the tarp, grabbing an extra bucket from the side. He tore off the lid and began pelting the youngest boys on the team to protect his friend. Dick and Wally giggled excitedly, ducking and rolling to hide behind some extra buckets. Wally put an arm around Dick, forcing him lower as Conner got his hands on the ammunition.

Batman facepalmed in great shame, sighing behind his hand. He couldn't bear to watch this, even if his little boy was kicking some serious ass by using his best friend as a human shield. Even if his ward was getting some great shots in. Even if his baby owned the battle field as if it was one of those stupid videogames that Dick, Barbara and Wally would play endlessly on the weekends when duty is in the shower and can't make the call. The only time he actually raised his face up was when he heard Dick's cry cut the air.

"REBELLION!"

Before he could raise an eyebrow, he felt a barrage of cheeseballs explode against his chest. His eyes swelled, his lips falling open in surprise as the giggles were directed his way. Betrayal rushed through his veins, his eyes falling into narrow slits. His angry stare stopped the four teens mid-throw, loosening their bowels in a matter of seconds. They all straightened up, backing towards their teammate fearfully. The Dark Knight, his face darker than his name, brushed the orange pattern off the bat symbol across his chest, never lifting his eyes from the new heroes, 3 of which he had been accustomed to seeing as cute little sidekicks. Then he knelt down to the ground, picking up the more intact pieces that had began to pool around his ankles.

"Y… You okay?" Dick stuttered fearfully, peeking back at Wally who was crouched behind him, using him as a riot shield; probably revenge for earlier.

Batman stood straight up, folding his arms over his chest. He still held the intact cheeseball pieces gingerly in his closed fists, being careful not to break them.

"No," he said solemnly. "I'm Batman."

Just the way he said it, similar to the way people in cartoons did to mock him, was enough to draw a surprised grin from every face in the room. The grins flickered as he threw his arms out, a puff of cheese exploding on each face accurately, just as he had planned. The teens laughed in disbelief, reaching into their buckets and starting to heavy fire. Batman smiled, pulling his cape up over his mouth in a vampiric fashion to hide the strange action from the heroes he still wanted to be respected by.

'Twas on that day that the Great Cheeseball War occurred. Brothers turned on brothers, fathers turned on sons, sons turned on fathers, leaders and teammates turned on one another and so forth. Not a single soul stayed true as cheeseball after cheeseball exploded upon one another, ruining perfectly good clothes, causing the purest of laughter from even the darkest of hearts. There was no true winner, seeing that ammunition quickly ran out, but it was still one of the greatest wars to ever occur within the depths of that cave.

**[1] It is French for father. I figured Robby boy would want to impress his daddy in such an argument so why not bring French out, the most repulsive language out there? I wanted German but… meh… Too sexy for this story. **

**[2] Dramaticised is _not _a word, that is true. I made it up all on my own. So… my apologies. **

**Sorry for the crappy ending. At the part where Batman got hit, my crush told me how she was "Edward on Bella" in love with this guy… told me… all her feeling for him… if I had any typos… you try typing through tears. It's pretty goddamn hard! But it's okay, because I'll pick up the broken pieces of my heart until I'm bleeding if that'll make her mine… Review?**

**-F.J. **


End file.
